Old School: Form of Address

By Carol McEwen,

While browsing through old newspaper clippings recently, I noticed an interesting quirk from the past. All the women were identified by their HUSBAND’s names. For example, “Mrs. Dan Schuckman,” is a former schoolmate of mine, and I know she has a perfectly good first name which isn’t Dan. Or how about this imaginary example: “Mrs. Paul Child won a blue ribbon for her Apple Pie at the Knox County Fair.” Or, “Modeling this charming evening gown at the Fortnightly Club Fashion Show is Mrs. Albert Einstein.” 

“Mrs. Paul Child??” Really? Julia would be insulted and rightly so. Paul didn’t bake that pie. (Not that he couldn’t, of course. But if he did, I darned well know he’d be looking for credit.) And unless he was in drag, that was NOT Albert Einstein sashaying down the runway in that slinky gown.       

Then I remembered my childhood tutelage from my mother, the Manners Maven. I was ALWAYS to address envelopes to Mrs. Ricky Ricardo. (Oops! No nicknames on envelopes. So Mrs. Ricardo Ricardo?) It was a sign of respect and an acknowledgement of her skill in “catching” a husband. (Mom didn’t exactly put it that way, but that was the gist of it.)

And furthermore, cards or letters addressed to both members of the couple should always read: “Mr. and Mrs. George Clooney.” When using first name signatures inside the card, it was proper etiquette to put the man’s name first, as in “Clyde and Bonnie,” never “Bonnie and Clyde.” 

Ever the dutiful daughter, I always, ALWAYS followed her instructions until sometime in the 80’s. (OK, so I was a slow learner.) Gradually, I began to ask myself, “If I saw that woman on the street, would I greet her by saying, ‘Hello, Mickey”? Of course not!  So I started addressing envelopes to Mrs. Minnie Mouse, er Mrs. Minerva Mouse. That’s her name after all.  

Then during the 90’s, another awakening. What about the women who were divorced or never married or even widowed? So I adjusted my addressing habits to merely, “Ms. Melinda Gates,” ignoring her marital status or lack of it. Eventually I REALLY cut to the chase and just wrote “Meryl Streep.”  

If you think these old customs are completely dead, remember the flap over using Dr. Jill Biden’s proper title? I say, “She earned it? She can use it.” I hate to admit it, but in this case, new practices beat Old School rules. My mom is turning in her grave.  

Carol McEwen is a writer for Stroll By The Bay, Mirimar Beach, Florida, and authored the weekly Old School column for the Arlington Sun Gazette/Gazette Leader. She may be reached at: carolwrites4fun@gmail.com.